The need for a nice gay man

 


Asshole: Are you as cold on the inside as you are on the outside?
Me: Yes, I am actually. Is that a problem?
Asshole: Yes it is. When you warm up come find me and we will hook up.
Me: No Sir, no we will not. Thank you very much.

This is the first, hopefully not the last, interaction I've had with the opposite sex regarding my single status. I am not accustom to dating, I don't know how. I have yet to decide if I even want to. At this rate it is likely that I will spend most of my time with a bottle of wine and Olivia to talk with. I could be wrong.
So I've decided. What I really need is a gay man.
A gay man with free time to cut up magazines and watch Sex and the City with. A gay man that likes trips to Goodwill and bikerides. A gay man that will not hesitate to be my date at two weddings this summer despite the long drive. A gay man who likes singalongs and Grandmas. A gay man to ward off assholes.
If I get my way I can avoid this dating thing altogether. I can say 'No Sir' without the need to thank an asshole.